Living Inside My Fiction
Field notes from "method writing"
If you’re new to The Rebel MFA Way, welcome! This is an essay in my ongoing “Writing Fiction to Heal in Real Time” series where I deep-dive into my writing fiction to heal method as field work and a case study. To begin, I will be working through my story, The Archive, which you can find more information on here.
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I didn't expect to become Ari when I started writing The Archive. But that's exactly what's happening.
Like method actors who immerse themselves completely in a role, I find myself living inside my character's fears, thoughts, and survival instincts. Not just during writing sessions, but in my daily life. I've built a “to-go” bag. I’m researching wilderness survival. Looking at every building and wondering: Could I defend this? Where are the exits? What would I take if I had to leave in five minutes?
The other day at Target, I caught myself analyzing the store's layout like Ari would - noting the back exits, calculating how many days' worth of supplies were on the shelves, wondering which items would be the first to disappear in a crisis. My shopping cart held practical items I'd never given much thought to before: water purification tablets, matches in waterproof containers, an extra first aid kit. A “grow your own mushrooms” bag.
This isn't a conscious choice. It's my brain's way of processing not just Ari's story, but my own fears about collapse, survival, and what it means to keep going when everything falls apart.
The Blurred Lines
Method writing, like method acting, isn't about pretending. It's about finding the truth that lives in both you and your character. It's about letting yourself feel what they feel, think what they think, fear what they fear. It’s… the “meat” writing fiction to heal is made from.
Sometimes the lines blur so completely that I find myself responding to situations as Ari would. When a news alert pops up about civil unrest or environmental disasters, I feel her anxiety surge through me. Her instinct to gather supplies, to protect what's precious, to document everything before it's lost - it becomes my instinct too.
For The Archive, this means:
Getting back into cardio and strength training to avoid what physical aches Ari feel on her journey
Walking through stores and seeing them through Ari's eyes
Letting myself feel the weight of her grief for Finn
Actually trying to write in journals by candlelight
Learning about the plants in my area that are edible
Practicing making fire without matches
Sitting with her anxiety about medication dependency
Building a “emergency” to-go bag with supplies
It means learning skills I never thought I'd need: how to purify water, how to identify edible plants, how to navigate without GPS. Each new skill I master for “research” becomes another thread connecting me to Ari, another way her world bleeds into mine.
I catch myself thinking in Ari's voice, analyzing situations the way she would. Hell, I honestly can’t even watch or read the news lately with how REAL The Archive is starting to feel.
The Cost of Going Deep
This level of immersion comes with risks. There are nights I can't sleep because I'm too caught up in Ari's world. Days when the line between her anxiety and mine becomes dangerously thin. Moments when I have to step back and remind myself: This is a story. It’s not actually the end of the world… yet.
The hardest part isn't the physical preparation or the practical skills - it's the emotional weight. Carrying Ari's grief for Finn means touching my own losses. Her fear of isolation forces me to confront my own vulnerabilities. Her desperate need to document everything makes me question what I would save, what I would fight to preserve, what really matters when everything else falls away.
But that's also where the healing happens.
Because in feeling Ari's fears, I'm confronting my own. In writing her grief, I'm processing mine. In imagining her survival, I'm exploring what it means to be resilient.
The trick is learning when to dive deep and when to come up for air. When to let the method writing serve the story and when to pull back before it consumes you.
Finding the Balance
I'm developing practices to help maintain boundaries while still staying connected to the story:
Designated writing spaces that are "Ari zones"
Regular check-ins with myself about where her feelings end and mine begin
Physical activities that ground me in the present
Conversations with friends who can help me process both the story and its impact
Journal entries that distinguish between her voice and mine
I've also learned to recognize the warning signs when I'm too deep: when I start hoarding supplies compulsively, when I can't enjoy a moment without thinking about how it could all end, when Ari's hypervigilance becomes my default state. These are my cues to step back, to remember who I am outside the story, to find my way back to the present moment.
But I'm also learning to trust when the lines blur. Sometimes the most powerful writing comes from that space where character and author become indistinguishable. Where your truth and theirs merge into something bigger than both.
Because ultimately, this isn't just about writing a story or processing trauma - it's about understanding what it means to survive. Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Through Ari, I'm learning that survival isn't just about stockpiles and skills - it's about holding onto your humanity when everything around you is falling apart.
Next time…
We’ll be talking about how certain character and personality traits (like sarcasm) serve many purposes and layers in a writing fiction to heal story. If you love snarky characters, you won’t want to miss this one.
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To read the backstory on why I’m serializing “The Archive,”:
This is so insightful and fascinating! I’ve definitely had moments where the line between myself and my characters gets blurred! When I was writing a post-apocalyptic novel I also found myself making similar assessments of spaces and real-world crises! Love how conscientious you are about the effects of this storytelling!